we've always been

I feel we, as humans, have a terrible habit of attaching our self-worth to certain things, people, situations, or anything we find fascinating at a particular time in our life. I don’t know whether to find it fascinating or ridiculous when, at one point, we felt betrayed or unworthy because our best friend treated us a certain way. Or maybe you didn’t do something you always wanted to something you believed you were capable of and ended up failing. The next thing we know, we’re deep down in the tunnel of agony, thinking about where it went wrong and why it had to happen, contemplating our whole life. It’s weird because when I was 18, I had it all figured out in one night, and suddenly I’m 21, and the world is not what I thought it was.

“Adulting is fun,” they said, but they never told us about the responsibilities and everything that comes with it. They told us the world is yours to conquer, but they never mentioned the sacrifices it requires. They said you just have to go out and get it, but they never warned us that when you fail, the same people who saw you working hard will question you, saying you never did enough or maybe it was never enough to begin with. And yet again, you’re deep down in the tunnel, trying to find the light at the end of it, because they always told us that there is light at the end of the tunnel. But I feel there has never been light at the end of the tunnel; it has just always been us trying to burn ourselves, and we mistook it for light.

Not to sound depressing, but there’s an addiction in constantly burning yourself, metaphorically—growing in ways you never thought were possible. One day you’re afraid of speaking up, and the next thing you know, that becomes your biggest strength. One day you feel like you're not worthy of being with someone, and the next day, someone says how blessed they are to have you. Again, I’m not saying you should attach your self-worth to it, but I do think it’s fascinating.

We never know what a day brings; one day, you’re getting up, running errands, completing your daily goals, and the next, you’re in bed. And in those moments, the greatest thing you can do is just get up. Trust me, a win is a win. Despite everything, it’s always been about you. It has always been.

Which is fine, I guess. Because somehow..we’ve always been?